A BLOODY MASSACRE

It was late in the summer of 2024 and the “Wareham Popular Front” was rising up against the local Dorset County Council. BCP were called to intervene, (God help us!) but, short of “Spirited young men” mercenaries were hired for the job. That’s how me and me old retired ship mate “Sharkey2” ended up embarked on the good ship “Purbeck Gem” bound for Wareham Quay, looking to earn a few gold doubloons. We had our Super-Soakers set on automatic and Gortex was advised.

We quickly got the measure of our fellow crew members, and aye they were a motley bunch, cut-throats and vagabonds to be sure. And, a-stern of us were some unruly wenches, gesticulating and all, and fair turning our cheeks red, so they were. Sharkey and I wondered if we had ought retire to the Jolly Sailor to quaff ale. But, alas, it was too late as we slipped anchor, bound for our destiny in Wareham with our £25 retainer lodged with the Master-at-Arms.

After an hour’s transit topping up with grog (at a price, mind - recommend a carry out) We heard the cannons of the Wareham Militia and we were soon locked in mortal combat with the entire population of Wareham’s 8 year olds engaging us from both banks of the river Frome. It was a bloody battle and everyone got drenched.

Believing we had won (Who said BCP were delusional?) the Skipper put us ashore to the raucous welcome of the locals and second soaking! From here me and Sharkey had a riotous old time, quaffing ales. There is always a few tales to tell and we were joined at our table, amid the mayhem by a blaggard claiming to be the lead guitarist with Mike and the Mechanics no less! Mercifully Charmyne made a dash through the defences and extracted us old mercenaries before we could spend any more of our booty on grog!

Unable to attend this year I have already donated my £25 with Gail Rook the organiser. Please try and support this event if at all possible, all monies raised are for charity and last year RMA Poole & District Branch were beneficiaries of a very large bag of gold Doubloons!!!

Paul Jobling